5 Steps to Move Through Fear
The majority of us are moving through layers of fear that we have never really experienced before, in all directions of our lives — jobs, relationships, health, and beyond.
Friends and clients are asking the same thing:
HOW CAN I MOVE THROUGH FEAR?
Here are five steps to help you through:
1. Be Honest.
When we’re afraid, we hide. We hide our feelings. We hide our light. We hide what’s really going on inside of our mind, heart, and spirit. We feel anger, resentment, blame, judgement, comparison, loneliness — any emotion to deviate our ego from where it really needs to go — through fear, and to love.
Every sort of “depleting” or “negative” emotion we feel can be linked back to one of humanity’s three core fears: abandonment, rejection, and death.
When we don’t honor our emotions as pathways of fear-facing — when we don’t create space and “proaction” (more on that below) — we end up creating an abandonment, rejection, and “death” of self. We stay afraid, distrusting, and small. We project, reject, and quite literally create realities where we feel incapable of creating our reality (which is always in our power). We hide what we want and need from ourselves and others. So not only are we afraid — we’re also unhappy.
When we are honest with ourselves — our emotions, depleting thoughts and actions, and negative judgements of self and others — we open the space for true healing.
2. Create Space.
For those of us who struggle with anxiety, this little area can be a really big challenge — especially for the do-gooders of the world.
Growing up, it was super easy to tell right from wrong. Do your homework. Be a good friend. Make your parents proud. (There’s so many layers to this that I don’t have time for in this post!)
As we grow up and develop more independent responsibilities (read: opportunities), our “right” answers may not come as quickly, which can cause panic.
Not only are we scared — we’re stuck. And when we try to do all of the “right” things — cram our time so we feel “productive” — we ultimately end up responding to our fear from an overwhelmed space…not so good.
The best time to make any decision is from a place of calm.
Not giving space is really about not giving trust. (That’s micro and macro, but we’ll stick with our own brain for now.)
When we don’t allow ourselves the time to sit with a question — when we jump to overdrive or “power through” to figure out the best solution — we stop our ability to think clearly, kindly, and with optimal intention.
Here’s a suggestion for improvement:
(Hide the phone.) Go to the park and stare at the trees. Lay on your floor and gaze into a point on the ceiling. Listen to a whole album from your favorite artist, uninterrupted (and be mindful of how different vibes can impact your energy). Meditate. Work out. Whatever. Honestly, you’ve probably heard the list already and all the mind-body people are saying the same thing –
Clear. Your. Mind.
Move. Your. Body.
The reason you need to do it? So that you learn to trust that if you give your mind the space it needs to actually think — without pressure, hyper-analysis, and whatever else we humans do — the answers we need will always come.
A simple guiding question: What makes the most sense right now?
Just start there. You’ll know the answer when it comes to you, and then you’ll do the best you can — with verve!
A Note: The “right” answer to anything creates feelings of great big love, excitement, and possibility. If it’s not that — you’re still scared.
3. Move with “Pro-Action.”
Emphasis on pro instead of re.
When we are in fear, the temptation is to react. We want to do something to “fix” the problem. We want to “speak our truth” — even if we haven’t fully uncovered it yet. We want the feeling of uncertainty, discomfort, negativity, or pain to go away.
And so we do something — anything — that will make us feel like we’re moving forward.
But, what often happens — somehow — after that momentary high of (re)action wears off, we end up feeling just as stuck as when we started — and beyond that, frustrated with ourselves for making another “wrong decision,” or “not using our time well,” or whatever it may be.
Here’s the deal.
There are no wrong decisions.
There are decisions made from fear, and there are decisions made from love. Your only job is to do your best to make decisions that are most healthy, filling, and inspiring to you — from a place of space and clarity — and then to trust yourself (and the universe) to do its thing and have your back — because it does.
I am a person who needs to get my thoughts out on paper to process. My brain is hyperactive — which has its strengths FOR SURE! But I also need to be really mindful about where my mind takes me, and to course correct if I’m heading in a direction that doesn’t really serve my highest self.
Proactive decision moves you to a state of joyful control. Some suggestions worth trying:
- Make a simple, manageable task-list for each day, one that you know for sure you will be able to complete. And stick to only that. If you don’t get everything done in one day, it may be a sign you (still) have too much on your plate. Fear takes time and space to process — overloading yourself will only prolong the healing process, and the discomfort. Give yourself the time you need to process, and set yourself up to move forward with full force.
- A Note: I recommend thinking of lists as task — and not time — specific. For example, “Today I will apply to 10 jobs” instead of “I will apply to jobs for 2 hours today.” (Time is a construct — To-Do Lists are concrete.)
- Create an “ideal version” of whatever it is you’re working on — an ideal partner, ideal professional, ideal parent, etc. — and then set goals on how you yourself can become that, regardless of other people. YOU can become your ideal partner, ideal employee, ideal parent. By becoming, you attract.
- Write a statement to yourself of exactly what you want to do / be / have. Write it in the present tense, as if it’s already happening (or happened). Be as specific as you can, to the last detail. Read this statement daily.
- Commit to a five minute morning practice. Meditate. Pray. Pull a card. Light a candle. Journal. Do you in whatever way you need to…but do it, without fail.
Presence and impact come from pro-action. Take the time to do the clearing and intention-setting you need. It is 100000% worth it.
4. Lean Into Connection
None of this is easy. We are spiritual beings in a human experience, and the push-pull of material reality and soulful “knowing” will always create a riff of balanced existence.
And you are not alone.
Society and systemic structures would tell us that we need to figure it all out. We need to do everything on our own. We need to keep it together — stay strong — hold it down — represent — whatever else.
Truthfully –
We just need to get good at letting go.
The more we let go — the more we let in. The more we can create authentic, rich connections that sustain and fill us. We develop relationships of honesty and courage. We decide to be proactive together. We honor each other’s space and encourage each other to heal. We take our fearful thoughts from our mind and put them in the hands of the most trusting humans in our world and let them love, care for, and support us. We need that.
Lean on each other. Love each other. Show up for each other. Listen to your gut for what your people need. As you do that — as you show up for people in really deep ways, and help them walk through their fears — so, too, do you walk through your own. And so too, you create your own brave new world — and the collective is brighter for it.
5. Be Grateful.
As often as you can, in every way you can, in every moment that you can, as big and small as you can.
You don’t have it best, and you don’t have it worst.
But whatever you have, is yours.
And that is beautiful.
You are braver than you think.
Miriam is a Liberation Educator, Coach, and Facilitation Consultant. To connect with Miriam, reach out on her website, or connect on LinkedIn or Instagram.
